Sunday, April 5, 2009

Spam 90: Barrister Ugo

Silus Lorney
Spam 90
Professor L.E. Rones
Final Draft

Dear Srom Dusgopta,

I am Barrister Agbara Ugo, a legal practitioner, I am the personal attorney to Mr. William Dusgopta,a national of your country, who used to work with a Gold Mining Company here in Accra Ghana . He used to be my client. This is a decent introduction--short and to the point. Sounds professional and dignified--it's like a firm handshake but in text.

I have contacted you to assist in repatriating the fund valued at US$6.5 million left behind by my client before it gets confiscated or declared unserviceable by the GHANA COMMERCIAL BANK LTD where this huge amount were deposited. looks like a sturdy bank. The slogan reads, "We Serve You Better." Maybe include this slogan in the email--this should help to hook them.

The said GHANA COMMERCIAL BANK LTD has issued me a notice to provide the next of kin or have his account confiscated within the next twenty one official working days. As a potential "client", I'm thinking, "my long lost cousin." There is some hope created here.

Since I have been unsuccessfully in locating the relatives for over 2years now, I seek the consent to present you as the next of kin to the deceased since you have the same last names, so that the proceeds of this account can be paid to you. Good choice of using "kin." Vocabulary is important.

I have all necessary information and legal documents needed to back you up for claim. Legal documents definitely make it legal--I'm still interested.

All I require from you is your honest cooperation to enable us see this transaction through. I guarantee that this will be executed under legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law. Good, because when you cooperate, you're honest--I can do this. (If "Breach Of The Law" was a movie, it's prequel should be "Law.") Using words such as "transaction," "guarantee," and "legitimate" should filter out some hesitation.

Bam! This is where Ugo Esq. needs to go a bit deeper. State what one can do with this money. Ask for banking account information. This would have proven his seriousness.

Best Regards,
Agbara Ugo Esq.


Also, be more specific and state the nationality in the opening paragraph--this will take away some of the vagueness. Make the necessary changes and send it back to me, and then we can start sending it out. Keep up the hard work Silus. With your diligence and your unique approach, you will find yourself at the top of the class. Who knows--maybe one day, you'll be sitting in my chair guiding those who have chosen the same path as you. The opportunities are infinite.

Oh, you haven't made your last block of payments yet. Make sure to send your cash to the mailing address I had provided during orientation. If you don't send the cash, you won't be able to move on. You've been doing such good work--I encourage you to send the money and to continue with your education.You would really enjoy Spam 115.

--Prof. Rones