Friday, August 28, 2009

"Whoa, RayRay, slow down! Do the loopty loop, Sally!" [Molly Gaudry Takes A Test]

Name: Molly Gaudry

Date: August 27, 2009
Molly Gaudry/ We Take Me Apart 101

Directions: Read each question and answer accordingly. Please use complete sentences and proper handwriting techniques. Ergonomics is a plus. To receive full credit, all work must be shown (for the most part).


1. If a train is traveling north at a rate of 36 frames per second, and a duck is flying south at a rate of 14 quacks per beak, when will your novella, We Take Me Apart, be available?

As the crow flies over train quacks, December 2009.

2. If the current of a river is flowing at the same rate as the current of a stream, eastward—well, a little bit northward too, how long did it take to complete We Take Me Apart, from the first word or thought to the final draft?

If the river is the highway from Chicago to Philadelphia (it is not), and the title came to me on that drive (it did), and the current draft is the final draft (it is), then from start to finish it took six months exactly to complete (south by southwest).

3. If the sun's ray shines at 1,000 vectors/ latitude, and longitude didn't exist, and the equator consisted of pebbles, what were some of the difficult aspects of writing this novella?

In the beginning, the novella forgot to put on sunblock and its cover got burnt. This was before it had a cover. This was before it had a manuscript. This was when it was just a ten-page poem that thought it was too long to be a poem and too short to be anything else. Then, out of the vectors/latitude, swooped J. A. Tyler, who said, “Fear not. MLP is thinking of expanding and wants to read a full-length manuscript. Are you up for the challenge?” The novella answered, “Why, of course I am!” but for many weeks, possibly even months, it did nothing but eat peanut M&Ms (that resembled the equator in both size and shape) and obsess over how it would never become a full-length anything because everything that needed to be said had been said already in those ten pages. Approaching its first-draft deadline, the novella freaked out! The novella had a good cry and long bath and probably quite a few cigarettes (although it has since quit smoking), then deleted itself and started over! The novella made lists of words from Gertrude Stein’s Tender Buttons and very quickly became a series of stand-alone, word-association poems. The novella was pleased with itself. The novella offered itself to MLP, and MLP said, “Yes.” The most difficult thing the novella had ever done was delete itself and start over, at the risk of losing its potential publisher. But the novella believed in itself. The novella now encourages all brave souls to delete and start over, to always delete and start over in difficult times, especially in lands without longitude.

4. If RayRay is riding his bike around the block at the rate of 44 spokes per liter, and Sally doesn't tie her shoelaces at the normal, average rate of 1.01 laces per sole, what were some books that you first read that really hooked your interest into reading and writing?

Whoa, RayRay, slow down! Do the loopty loop, Sally! Oh, let’s see. The Wind in the Willows, Heidi, The Secret Garden, and Little Women got me hooked; I absolutely wore out the covers on the Mrs. Piggle Wiggle books; I devoured all the Molly books in the American Girl series, and everything by Beverly Cleary and Judy Blume and R.L. Stine and Christopher Pike; probably the first handful of books that we would deem “serious literature” and that made me stop and go, “Whoa, kid, slow down!” would include Carson McCullers’s The Heart Is a Lonely Hunter, Claude Brown’s Manchild in the Promised Land, and Richard Wright’s Black Boy and Native Son, which I read the summer before my senior year of high school. And then Gabriel Garcia Marquez’s One Hundred Years of Solitude solidified it all, when I was a sophomore in college. That was the book that made me get serious.

5. If DNA stands for deoxyribonucleic acid and if RNA stands for Ribonucleic Acid, what do you stand for (if you're standing)?

I am sitting, but I stand for equality for all things having DNA and RNA, especially human beings who identify as LGBT and/or Q.

6. If 3X + 2N = 14, and X and N are really whole numbers, but they don't equal 2 or 6 (respectively), and this mathematical equation didn't exist in other worldly forms, what is your writing process—are you a morning writer, night writer, anytime writer?

At 3X in the morning, at 2N in the afternoon, and at 14 past the hour, I am either writing X or thinking about writing N in one way or another. When I have the luxury of setting my own schedule, I prefer to write through the night, to sleep when the sun comes up, to rise in the early afternoon, to edit through the evening, and to get back to the writing when the sun goes down. When I do not have this luxury, I am an anytime writer.

7. If the water from a waterfall falls at the standard rate of twenty-three (23) Celsius per gallon, are you working on anything else right now?

I love waterfalls! And, alas, I have not really been writing at all lately. It’s refreshing, though, much like I imagine twenty-three (23) Celsius per gallon is also refreshing. I don’t know. I have a few things in the works, but I’ve maybe thought them into an early grave. One of them, a collection of stories titled Rosalia details the women in a town called Rosalia, as they prepare for Rosalia, an annual feast. There are logistical things I haven’t quite figured out, which have perhaps indefinitely stalled the project. I’m not worried about it, though. Something will come. Soon enough.

8. If the earth is on its axis, and the axis is made out of platinum, and the earth rotates no more that a billion (1 and I forget how many zeros following the 1) watts per voltage, what classes do you teach and what classes would you like to teach?

As the world turns, these are the days of our lives, and as the earth on its platinum axis rotates, I teach freshman composition courses and Introduction to Literature. Not long ago, I worked for a non-profit literacy organization and taught the GED to post-incarcerated men and women living in a halfway house. In a perfect world, I will one day teach creative writing courses full-time, at the university level. We’ll see how that pans out, though. The competition is out there, and it is not playing around.

9. If Lorrie and Chauncey are jump roping at a rate of 8X kilometers/mile, in 15 words or less or more, what is writing, or what is writing like to you?

Lorrie (1) and (2) Chauncey (3) really (4) have (5) a (6) rhythm (7) going (8) there (9), don’t (10) they (11)! A (12) puzzle (13), put (14) together (15).

10. If Cassius Clay's pen name was Samuel Clemens, and Jaleel White met Billy Crystal on the Walk Of Fame and they talked to each other at the rate of a truck passing up a car on the right lane on a Saturday afternoon with the humidity at 94% (non-windy day), what are your favorites—movies, food, writers, books, drinks, directors, music, weather, writing medium (pen, pencil, computer), place to write, colors, sounds, and anything else you can think of?

Favorite alliteration: Cassius Clay. Favorite name / pen name: Samuel Clemens / Mark Twain. Favorite romantic comedy that doesn’t star Cameron Diaz or Drew Barrymore: When Billy Crystal Met Meg Ryan. Favorite kind of Saturday afternoon: one without 94% humidity, spent in jeans and a T-shirt, with chamomile tea and good stuff to read, raindrops splattering the windows. Favorite movies: Pixar. Favorite food: Do peanut M&Ms count? Favorite books: Oh boy. How about Lydia Millet’s My Happy Life, Kate Bernheimer’s The Complete Tales of Merry Gold, and Anne Carson’s Autobiography of Red. And I can’t wait for Claudia Smith’s Put Your Head in My Lap (Future Tense, 2009). Favorite directors: I have no idea. There’s a young animator named Aaron Quinn who is known for his short films. I’ve been keeping an eye on his work, as I especially enjoyed his interpretations of “The Tell-Tale Heart” and “Through the Looking Glass.” Favorite drinks: hands down, a dirty martini (vodka, though, not gin. I know. I know!) and if I’m in a beer mood, Newcastle or Red Stripe. I absolutely need my coffee in the morning (although, oddly, I never know the difference if I have decaf). Favorite music: I’ve been listening to a lot of Dirty Three. And I love that song “Wake Up” in the trailer for Where the Wild Things Are. I also just discovered, which is way better than Pandora, I think, and I love the “Jason Molina” station. (His dad was my 7th and 8th grade science teacher!) Favorite weather: storms. I love storms. And I love fall days. I love hay rides and hot cider. I love people just hanging out on cold autumn afternoons. Favorite writing medium: for journaling, pen and notebook; for writing, computer. Favorite place to write: in public, coffee shops; in private, my desk. Favorite colors: all of them, I think. Favorite sounds: water burbling over stones and air rustling leafy branches. Favorite adjective: gentle.

Extra Credit (Optional): If a kangaroo hops at a rate of 11 square feet per geometry, on level ground, and it's dark outside, but it's almost about to be morning, what draws you to writing and reading?

I love that moment, the dark-outside-and-about-to-be-morning moment. It is one of my favorite moments to enjoy, truly. Maybe it is this moment that draws me to writing, the quiet feeling that no one else is here but me, at least for now, until the birds and traffic and neighbors and everything else all start humming, saying, “Hey, we’re here too. Hello. Glad you could join us.” Additionally, I was never big on wild animals, so becoming a wilderness guide was out (sorry, kangaroos), and I was never any good at math (although I did enjoy geometry more than algebra), so instead I turned to words. The words I find myself turning to these days are those less interested in what they are saying than they are in how they’re being said. Give me form, and give me form I’ve never seen, form that defies being form, at that.

Did I pass the test?


Tuesday, August 25, 2009

[--LWPJ 7/FLM 8--]

Jac Jemc, the guest editor of The Little White Poetry Journal 7, was kind enough to accept "The Circus Crazy." The piece was roughly based on buying chocolate in a Kolkata candy store. It can be found and previewed here:

It contains works by Joseph Aguilar, Diego Báez, Nicolette Bond, Jason Bredle, Laura Goldstein, Christopher Higgs, Devin King, Patrick Leonard, John Madera, Cinthia Ritchie, Erin Teegarden, Megan Thoma, and Kathleen Tooney.

Thanks to Henry Chalise, Jac Jemc, and Jennifer Patel for putting it together.

Also, this was a nice surprise--didn't realize this piece was accepted until after it was published, but "Carving The Air" can be found in Frame Lines Magazine Edition 8, a neat magazine out in Australia. For the full list of contributors and to read the issue:

Perhaps this was influenced by Whitney Houston's I Want To Dance With Somebody--one of the first songs I remember listening to on the radio, while in the car, going home from school.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Kahlil Gibran, On Writing

All our words are but crumbs that fall down from the feast of the mind."

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Jack London, On Writing

"You can't wait for inspiration, you have to go after it with a club."

Monday, August 17, 2009

Hemingway, On Writing (And Faulkner)

Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words? He thinks I don't know the ten-dollar words. I know them all right. But there are older and simpler and better words, and those are the ones I use.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

P.G. Wodehouse, On Writing

"I just sit at my typewriter and curse a bit."

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Truman Capote, On Writing

"To me, the greatest pleasure of writing is not what it's about, but the inner music that words make."

Friday, August 14, 2009

Virginia Woolf, On Writing

"A good essay must have this permanent quality about it; it must draw its curtain round us, but it must be a curtain that shuts us in not out."

Thursday, August 13, 2009

E.L. Doctorow, On Writing

"Writing a book is like driving a car at night. You only see as far as your headlights go, but you can make the whole trip that way."

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

F. Scott Fitzgerald, On Writing

"All good writing is swimming under water and holding your breath."

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Monday, August 10, 2009

Neo, Upon Walking Into The Grocery Store

5.95 4.99 11.39 24.75
8.45 9.30 15.35 29.99
2.29 6.35 17.15 30.45
1.25 7.15 18.15 21.20
3.15 3.25 12.99 22.99
9.99 4.29 12.25 24.89
4.45 9.25 19.99 44.25
3.05 7.75 13.25 31.05
1.79 5.25 11.99 23.05
9.75 8.79 16.45 28.99
4.75 9.10 15.55 23.45
7.25 7.99 19.05 20.99
6.10 3.05 22.05 27.45
9.88 4.45 23.10 35.99
2.07 3.99 34.05 20.99
6.45 7.85 19.75 15.75
2.35 2.29 11.88 13.78
7.99 6.35 12.45 12.45
8.25 1.89 13.34 13.99
7.10 3.20 28.99 24.79
2.05 3.25 33.99 25.05
1.99 8.15 34.75 17.07
4.99 9.05 15.20 19.85
5.05 9.99 12.05 35.99
3.99 7.59 12.10 31.09
1.10 4.90 18.95 11.99
0.99 2.25 20.99 14.55
0.99 6.20 21.65 22.39
8.35 1.79 28.77 12.99
9.25 8.99 24.88 12.10
6.88 5.55 30.05 17.45
5.10 4.29 44.35 20.95
7.30 7.45 20.75 16.35
6.25 9.85 14.35 18.99
2.29 5.25 14.10 22.89
9.39 5.55 17.35 28.75
4.30 6.30 13.77 30.75

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Saturday, August 8, 2009

{Carbon Dating}

Friday, August 7, 2009


Thursday, August 6, 2009

Michael Jordan

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

I Always Do My Collars First

A Documentary On Ironing In The Cajun South

Directed by Conni Castille and Allison Bohl:


Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Kanye West Interviews Kanye West

Kanye West: Kanye, you consider yourself to be one of the greatest entertainers of all time.

Kanye West: I am exquisite.

Kanye West: Could you expand on that a bit more? Why are you great?

Kanye West: It's hard to explain, even to you--though you understand me the best. It's like--I feel like I'm the best. And it's not even that I feel like I'm the best, I know I am the best. And it's not even like I know I am the best--I am the best. I'm handsome.

Kanye West: You are sexy.

Kanye West: Do you like my sunglasses?

Kanye West: I do. Explain them to me.

Kanye West: They're the best sunglasses, because I'm wearing them. Anything I touch turns to platinum, you know. Like the present day Midas touch.

Kanye West: Midas?

Kanye West: It's like Greek mythology. It's the best mythology, because I know about it. Because I incorporated it into this interview, you know. Who else do you know that incorporates Greek mythology in their interviews?

Kanye West: Maybe theologians from Greece?

Kanye West: Good point. That's a good point. But you make a good point, because you're Kanye West and anything you say is a good point. It turns to platinum. Ask me another question. I like this. I like this interview. It makes me great.

Kanye West: So many people frown upon you. It's like, turn that frown into a clown and smile, don't you think? Why do they want to take you down?

Kanye West: I'm like Jesus.

Kanye West: Now, Kanye, what do you mean when you say you're like Jesus?

Kanye West: It's like my song: Jesus Walks. It's one of the best songs ever made. It belongs to a collection of all the best songs ever made, because I made them. Remember that front cover I had on that magazine? I looked like Jesus.

Kanye West: What's that song about?

Kanye West: It's about me and Jesus. Jesus and I. I go on about how we're not allowed to sing about Jesus. It's marvelous.

Kanye West: But what about Jesus Christ Superstar, The Little Drummer Boy, and Depeche Mode?

Kanye West: Man, Kanye--that's another good point. Only you can make such a good point. You're smart. You're intelligent. I like that. Anyway, everyone wanted to take Jesus down because he was number 1. Everyone wants to take me down, because I'm number 1. Now, I'm better than number 1; I'm the number that comes before number 1.

Kanye West: 0?

Kanye West: I'm like the number 0. And I'm on my way to even becoming the numbers before zero. I'm talking about negative numbers, like -1, -2, -3, and etcetera.

Kaney West: You're so cute.

Kanye West: You can tell me twice and it never gets old. It's always new, because anything I say is fresh. Like lettuce. Like fresh lettuce.

Kanye West: Lettuce pray.

Kanye West: Nice--I like that. I like that pun. It's great, because it came from you. I'm going to have to use that in one of my future songs, which will be one of the best songs ever made. The song is going to be called We Eat, and it's going to be about me and Jesus in the grocery story buying produce and what not. It'll show the similarities of how we both eat food.

Kanye West: You're the best.

Kanye West: No, you're the best.

Kanye West: How are you going to say that to my face? You know you're the best--you admitted it yourself.

Kanye West: Sorry man--I only said that, because I'm the best. Let's not argue here.

Kanye West: Cheers, man. Thanks for this interview--I hope people will get a better understanding of me, because of you.

Kanye West: They will get the best understanding of you, because of me, because I did this interview. I'm the best.

Kanye West: You're the best.

Kanye West: No, I'm the best.

Kanye Wst: What else?

Kanye West: I'm like sex.

Kanye West: Well, that's going to do it for this interview. Anything else you would like to add before I go?

Kanye West: It's like I'm Neo from The Matrix. Except, I'm better than Neo, because he wasn't real. He was just in a movie. I'm real, and I'm in life, you know. Like how he saw everything in green numbers? I see the same thing, except that everything I see is bigger and better and more musically oriented, and it goes from left to right rather than up and down. I wish Neo was real so that we could have a duel or something. I don't like those sunglasses he wears though. Mine are better. I can fly too and stop in the middle of the air and twirl around and all that--I just keep it a secret.

Kanye West: I think your sunglasses are the best I've ever seen.

Monday, August 3, 2009

[Rothko's School Of Paint Program 2.1]

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Are You Going To The Zoo,

Because there is J.A. Tyler's Zoo, A Going.

For more information:


Saturday, August 1, 2009

Joey, Ross, and Chandler: On Reading